Sunday, March 15, 2009
Grudge Match: Glinda vs. the Blue Fairy
The otherwise placid, uneventful world of 1939-40 is rocked by war: a battle, wando-a-wando, between two smiling, didactic fairies: Glinda the Good Witch (Billie Burke, The Wizard of Oz) vs. The Blue Fairy (Pinocchio).
Both smile and laugh way too much. Both are sucked up to by the other characters. And both are basically sadistic creeps who take delight in putting kids through horrible torture in order to "teach them a lesson." (And as a bonus, they both seem perfectly happy to stand by happily while others suffer: Glinda apparently did nothing about the enslavement of the Munchkins, and the BF clearly has the ability to save those kids who got turned into donkeys and sold for slave labor, but she couldn't care less.) But which of these two evil, wand-wielding maniacs will out-zap the other?
I personally lean toward the BF here for sheer volume of cruelty. Glinda was an asshole for not telling Dorothy how to get home, but at least she didn't physically torture the girl herself, whereas the BF specializes in mutilating and mutating Pinocchio's body. Plus, because Glinda is vain about her looks, one elongated-nose spell will completely shut her down and prevent her from thinking clearly.
(We're talking here about the 1939-40 movie versions, rather than the books they're based on or other versions of the same stories.)